Happy Valentine’s Day Royals! I love this time of the year because I just love love and want everyone to be in love (lol). As most of you know, this time of the year is especially important to me because The Boy and I got engaged this time last year. I LIVE for all of the #ISaidYes moments on Instagram and can spend hours reading stories on howheasked.com. When we got engaged, I didn’t really expect to feel any differently about The Boy or for us to start operating any differently and for the most part I don’t and it didn’t. However, as I’ve had a little time to think about the year we’ve spent engaged, I’m keenly aware of subtle differences that came along with my title change. I think it’s really easy to believe that nothing is going to change once you get the rock, but the truth of the matter is things are different and the changes aren’t even necessarily imposed the couple.
The Truth About What Changes When You Get Engaged
A Day Won’t Pass Without Your Wedding Crossing Your Mind
Almost every girl I know who has any interest in getting married has a ‘Wedding Pinterest Board’, even if she doesn’t have a man. The second you get engaged everyone is going to want all the details for your big day. This will cause you to feel like you need to stat planning right away, but trust me you don’t (unless you’re having a short engagement, like less than 1 year). We are having a LONG engagement (2+ years, story for a different day), but the wedding is still constantly on my mind. It feels like I can’t turn on the TV, go on instagram, or even check my email without some wedding related thought crossing my mind.
To be totally honest, as exciting as wedding planning is, it can also get overwhelming. If you find yourself starting to freak out over your wedding that is still over 18 months away (looks at self in mirror), I recommend you take a step back (and away) from wedding planning. This will allow you to pinpoint the source of your stress and eliminate it before it becomes too big of an issue.
Society Treats You Different
It’s something about getting engaged that makes the whole world treat you and your partner differently. It’s almost like your relationship has finally gotten a seal of approval and you’re in the big leagues. Maybe it’s because of this society generated idea that getting engaged equals commitment? As a woman, there is definitely a certain “girl you’ve made it” just because you’ve gotten a ring and to be totally honesty you’ll feel like you have. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being around the girl who gets engaged and suddenly thinks she’s a relationship guru (*rolls eyes*) and as annoying as sis is, I’d like to believe it’s society’s fault for giving her this false sense wisdom.
Your Spending Habits Will Change
This may depend a lot on if you all combined your finances before getting engaged. The Boy and I shared an account before we got engaged basically to cover groceries and dates. Majority of our funds were still in our personal accounts. After getting the house (don’t worry I’ll fill you guys in soon), we decided to change things up by allocating a large percentage of each check to the joint account, while keeping the rest for fun personal expenses. Because we are now equally paying for all bills, we are both much more aware of how we spend/the bills we create. Additionally, we have a wedding to pay for so we can’t be as laissez-faire with the coins as we once were.
Whether or not you already had a joint account, will be waiting until you last name is changed, or have no plans to have a joint account, the feeling of being a team with your partner will make you a lot more cautious of your spending. It’s no longer just about what you want or need, but becomes about what’s best for the team.
Topics of Arguments Will Change..and Stay the Same
Let me preface this by saying The Boy and I don’t fight a lot. He’s not really one for arguing or conflict and I know I can be a bit dramatic at times. This combo usually means real disagreements are far and few in between. Prior to getting engaged, almost all of our fights were about not being engaged. I had grown EXTREMELY impatient and was tired of waiting on, what I felt was a well deserved and long overdue, a proposal. The Boy was adamant that it needed to be on his time and to that I was like “sh*t or get off the pot”.
Since getting engaged, The Boy can tie his shoe without my heart stopping and doesn’t have to sleep with one eye open. The topics of our regular bickering have honestly been about the wedding and household chores. We’ve always gone back and forth over housework and who works more hours and thus shouldn’t be expected to do as much, but now the argument carries a little more weight.
Arguments Will Feel A Lot More Serious
Let me keep it all the way 100, between The Boy and I, I’m the planner, the preparer, and the organizer….but I take joy in this sense of order and he on the other hand is more easygoing. Because of my Type A ways, I often feel like there is always something needing to be done for our home, and then I feel like I’m taking care of EVERYTHING while he just gets a life of luxury. I immediately start to think “so is this what it’s going to be like when a baby is in the picture?” or “can I really spend the rest of my life being the only one who makes the bed properly?” Now while some will say it’s crazy, getting engaged is the first time you are really forced to realize you have agreed to put up with your partner’s less than appealing side FOREVER.
When your arguments are momentary disagreements, but lingering problems the idea that this person is going to one day soon be your PARTNER FOR LIFE can really weigh heavy. The Boy and I try really hard to focus on communication by not going to bed angry so that momentary disagreements don’t become larger issues. While I certainly believe getting engaged is a sign of commitment, I don’t think it solves problems. In fact, problems are likely to only worsen as your expectations of your partner in their new role changes. If you and your partner are having problems, fix it now. Don’t think getting married will be some magic cure.
According to The Boy, nothing at all has changed, other than me “nagging” (read that as reminding him I’m an amazing catch) about a ring has stopped. I don’t think he’s realized it, but he seems to be thinking more like husband these days. He literally puts the biggest smile on my face to be introduced as his fiancee or for him to talk about when I’m his wife. As we move a long towards our wedding day, I’m expecting it to feel more and more like we’re married. To be honest, I’m not expecting much to change…but I said the same thing about getting engaged and here we are 1200+ words later.
Did anything change between you and bae when you got engaged? How about when you got married?